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Title:
1.B Meanness
Session Date and Time:
Oct 5, 2010, 2-3:30 pm
Issue/Topic:
Why are people mean to each other when they are working together and how
can we change this?
Convener/Facilitator:
Melyssa Jo Kelly
Notes-taker:
Participants:
Fred Cook, Lenel
de Emma, David Hartsough, Jan Hartsough, Stacy Kono,
Edwin Rutsch, John Testa.
Following is a report on the decisions made
in one of the Action Groups at the 9/12/10 Compassionate Politics
Workshop. Please feel free to post comments, questions, and reports on
follow through actions.
Some Causes:
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Behavior driven by
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ego,
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the desire to be in control,
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feeling “better than” others,
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competition,
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individualism,
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sense of scarcity,
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hierarchy,
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the desire for power (also known as
“Everybody wants to be King;”)
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people pushing their own agendas;
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heavy-handed inter-personal dynamics;
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the loss of tribal histories;
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inattention to people’s feelings;
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lack of commitment to addressing and
resolving conflicts;
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being dualistic (seeing things as
black/white, good/bad).
Some Effects:
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a person feels disrespected, insulted,
hurt, or unheard by someone;
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their reaction may be defensive and
they may be mean to (or say mean things about) the person who hurt
them, beginning an endless cycle which diminishes and may destroy
a group’s ability to function.
Some Decisions:
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Be open-hearted;
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Use effective communication
techniques, such as;
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Create Restorative Circles in which
people listen, take responsibility, and take action;
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Ensure all voices are heard;
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Be receptive to hearing other points
of view;
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Use empathy and compassion to remove
barriers to group action;
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Build community within a group by
trusting, being thoughtful, communicating, and repairing;
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Act on the principle that the means is
as important as the end (the process is as important as the
production);
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Sustain each other for the long haul;
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Seek, listen to, and respect
everyone’s own “truth;” work with people who find common ground
and share values;
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Try to explain your point of view and
try to understand another’s point of view;
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Get a 360 degree perspective on group
leaders and members by seeking input from entire group;
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First build relationships, then take
on tasks;
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Exchange in-depth “Stories of Self”
with the whole group;
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Discuss, dialogue, and listen;
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Do follow-up contact;
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Agree on a group commitment to the
process, even though individual behavior, perspectives and
priorities may differ;
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Commit to a shared intent, process,
and project; accept people as they are, where they are;
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Get support for yourself from people
you trust to listen to you vent, show empathy and keep
confidentiality;
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Expect conflicts to arise;
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Learn to see conflict as an
opportunity for learning and growth;
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Resolve conflicts using reflective
listening to hear and be heard, and finding empathy and compassion
through deepened understanding;
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Establish group guidelines:
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listen,
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no put-downs,
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work on conflicts,
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respect confidentiality,
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stay accountable;
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Make creating relationships a goal;
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Cultivate multi-dimensionality;
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Help everyone feel heard and have a
sense of ownership;
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Guard against process becoming more
important than action; support, love and protect leaders;
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Nurture leadership skills in everyone;
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Consider needs and capacities;
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Redefine leadership.
___Dialogue
Box ____ Comments ________ Discussions ___________
Comments 1
Comments 2
Comments 3
Comments
etc.
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