Center for Building a Culture of Empathy

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Join the International Conference on: How Might We Build a Culture of Empathy and Compassion?

     
Test Book of Proceedings: Conference on How to Build a Culture of Empathy and Compassion?
 
Index

Overview
Attendees
Organizations


SESSIONS

  1.A  Hope
  1.B  Meanness
  1.C  Communities
  1.D  Compassion

  2.A  Cultivate
  2.B  Culture
  2.C  Power

  3.A
Transformation
  3.B
  3.C 


Conclusion
Next Steps



 


 
 

Title: 1.B  Meanness

Session Date and Time:
Oct 5, 2010,  2-3:30 pm

Issue/Topic:
Why are people mean to each other when they are working together and how can we change this?

Convener/Facilitator: Melyssa Jo Kelly

Notes-taker:

Participants:
   Fred Cook, Lenel de Emma, David Hartsough, Jan Hartsough, Stacy Kono,
Edwin Rutsch,  John Testa.

Following is a report on the decisions made in one of the Action Groups at the 9/12/10 Compassionate Politics Workshop. Please feel free to post comments, questions, and reports on follow through actions.

 

Some Causes:

  • Behavior driven by

    • ego,

    • the desire to be in control,

    • feeling “better than” others,

    • competition,

    • individualism,

    • sense of scarcity,

    • hierarchy,

    • the desire for power (also known as “Everybody wants to be King;”)

    • people pushing their own agendas;

  • heavy-handed inter-personal dynamics;

  • the loss of tribal histories;

  • inattention to people’s feelings;

  • lack of commitment to addressing and resolving conflicts;

  • being dualistic (seeing things as black/white, good/bad).

Some Effects:

  • a person feels disrespected, insulted, hurt, or unheard by someone;

  •  their reaction may be defensive and they may be mean to (or say mean things about) the person who hurt them, beginning an endless cycle which diminishes and may destroy a group’s ability to function.

Some Decisions:

  • Be open-hearted;

  • Use effective communication techniques, such as;

    •  Non-Violent Communication,

    • empathetic listening,

    •  reflective listening,

    •  active listening,

    •  affirming responses;

  • Create Restorative Circles in which people listen, take responsibility, and take action;

  • Ensure all voices are heard;

  • Be receptive to hearing other points of view;

  • Use empathy and compassion to remove barriers to group action;

  • Build community within a group by trusting, being thoughtful, communicating, and repairing;

  • Act on the principle that the means is as important as the end (the process is as important as the production);

  • Sustain each other for the long haul;

  • Seek, listen to, and respect everyone’s own “truth;” work with people who find common ground and share values;

  • Try to explain your point of view and try to understand another’s point of view;

  • Get a 360 degree perspective on group leaders and members by seeking input from entire group;

  • First build relationships, then take on tasks;

  • Exchange in-depth “Stories of Self” with the whole group;

  • Discuss, dialogue, and listen;

  • Do follow-up contact;

  • Agree on a group commitment to the process, even though individual behavior, perspectives and priorities may differ;

  • Commit to a shared intent, process, and project; accept people as they are, where they are;

  • Get support for yourself from people you trust to listen to you vent, show empathy and keep confidentiality;

  • Expect conflicts to arise;

  • Learn to see conflict as an opportunity for learning and growth;

  • Resolve conflicts using reflective listening to hear and be heard, and finding empathy and compassion through deepened understanding;

  • Establish group guidelines:  

    • listen,

    • no put-downs,

    • work on conflicts,

    • respect confidentiality,

    • stay accountable;

  • Make creating relationships a goal;

  • Cultivate multi-dimensionality;

  • Help everyone feel heard and have a sense of ownership;

  • Guard against process becoming more important than action; support, love and protect leaders;

  • Nurture leadership skills in everyone;

  • Consider needs and capacities;

  • Redefine leadership.

 

___Dialogue Box ____ Comments ________ Discussions ___________

Comments 1
 

Comments 2
 

Comments 3
 

Comments etc.

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