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Culture of Empathy Builder:  Marshall Rosenberg Quotes


"We need to receive empathy to give empathy." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.

Marshall B. Rosenberg
 

if my pain is too great I can't empathize. So, I might say, "I'm in so much pain right now hearing some things you've said, I'm not able to listen."" Marshall Rosenberg
 


"If you think ahead to what to say next - like how to fix it or make the person feel better - BOOM! Off the board. You're into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that's here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it's like I wasn't there. I call this "watching the magic show". In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my "fix-it" tendencies." - Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

 

 

 "If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met." Marshall Rosenberg
 

 

 
sympathy
 

 "With empathy, I'm fully with them, and not full of them - that's sympathy." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

 

 "With empathy we don't direct, we follow. Don't just do something, be there." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

Blocks,
 

 "Postpone result/solution thinking until later; it's through connection that solutions materialize - empathy before  education." 
Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

 

 
 

 We need to receive empathy to give empathy." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

Depression
 

 "Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically." Marshall Rosenberg
 

 

 

 

 

Power, Status
 

 "It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 
 

 Tragically, one of the rarest commodities in our culture is empathy. People are hungry for empathy, They don't know how to ask for it." Marshall B. Rosenberg,

 

 

 

 

 

"We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to
 (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy,
 (b) scream nonviolently,
or (c) take time out."

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

 

 
 
 
self-judgments
 

 "Translate all self-judgments into self-empathy." Marshall B. Rosenberg,

 

 
 

  "Translate all self-judgments into self-empathy." Marshall B. Rosenberg,

 

 

 

Intellectual understanding
 

 "Intellectual understanding blocks empathy." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

 

 
 

 "The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize." Marshall Rosenberg

 

 
 

 "To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression."
 Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

peace
 

 "Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other.

 

Being aware of those feelings and needs, people lose their desires to attack back because they see the human ignorance leading to those attacks.

 

 Instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.'" Marshall Rosenberg
 

 

 
 
 

 
"Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence." Marshall Rosenberg

 


 

When you ride the wave, the thrill is so exhilarating that you forget everything else. You live in the moment where nothing else matters, so intent on riding the wave perfectly that you and the wave become one. Pain and worry disappear, replaced by euphoria, akin to flow. Similarly, when giving empathy, you want to strive for this kind of total presence for the person you are listening to.
Marshall Rosenberg image source

 

 

Have you ever been surfing? Imagine you’re on your surfboard now, waiting for the big one to come. Get ready to get carried with that energy. Now, here it comes. Are you with that energy right now? That’s empathy. No words – just being with that energy. When I connect with what’s alive in another person, I have feelings similar to when I’m surfing. Marshall Rosenberg
image source

 

 

"The objective of Nonviolent Communication is not to change people and their behavior in order to get our way: it is to establish relationships based on honesty and empathy, which will eventually fulfill everyone’s needs."
— Marshall Rosenberg

 

 

"Empathy with others occurs only when we have successfully shed all preconceived ideas and judgments about them. The Austrian-born Israeli philosopher Martin Buber describes this quality of presence that life demands of us: "In site of all similarities, every living situation has, like a newborn child, a new face, that has never been before and will never come again. It demands nothing of you a reaction that cannot be prepared beforehand. It demands nothing of what is past. IT demands presence, responsibility: it demands you." "
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

 

"Instead of empathy, we tend instead to have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, on the other hand, requires focusing full attention on the other person's message. We give others the time and space they need to express themselves fully and to feel understood."

Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

 

What evidence is there that we've adequately empathized with the other person?

  • First, when an individual realizes that everything going on within has received full empathic understanding, they will experience a sense of relief. We can become aware of this phenomenon by noticing a corresponding release of tension in our own body.

  •  A second even more obvious sign is that the person will stop talking. If we are uncertain as to whether we have stayed long enough in the process, we can always ask,

  •  "Is there more that you wanted to say?"
    Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication


"I recommend allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before turning our attention to solutions or requests for relief. When we proceed too quickly to what people might be requesting, we may not convey our genuine interest in their feelings and needs; instead, they may get the impression that we're in a hurry to either be free of them or to fix their problem. Furthermore, an initial message is often like the tip of an iceberg; it may be followed by yet unexpressed, but related - and often more powerful - feelings.

By maintaining our attention on what's going on within others, we offer them a chance to fully explore and express their interior selves. We would stem this flow if we were to shift attention too quickly either to their request or to our own desire to express ourselves."
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication




"All that has been integrated into NVC has been known for centuries about consciousness, language, communication skills, and use of power that enable us to maintain a perspective of empathy for ourselves and others, even under trying conditions."- Marshall B. Rosenberg,



”In empathy, you don’t speak at all. You speak with the eyes. You speak with your body. If you say any words at all, it’s because you are not sure you are with the person. So you may say some words. But the words are not empathy. Empathy is when the other person feels the connection with what’s alive in you. Marshall Rosenberg

“I wouldn't expect someone who's been injured to hear my side until they felt that I had fully understood the depth of their pain.” Marshall Rosenberg


”Empathy lies in our ability to be present without opinion.” Marshall Rosenberg

”Empathy gives you the ability to enjoy another person's pain.” Marshall Rosenberg

”The more we empathize with the other party, the safer we feel.” Marshall Rosenberg

Self-empathy in NVC means checking in with your own feelings and needs. Marshall Rosenberg

”The number one rule of our training is empathy before education. ” Marshall Rosenberg

”It may be most difficult to empathize with those we are closest to.” Marshall Rosenberg

”Empathizing with someone's 'no' protects us from taking it personally.” Marshall Rosenberg

”Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing.” Marshall Rosenberg

”Empathy allows us to re-perceive our world in a new way and move forward ” Marshall Rosenberg


”With empathy we don't direct, we follow. Don't just do something, be there.” Marshall Rosenberg


”Our goal is to create a quality of empathic connection that allows everyone's needs to be met.” Marshall Rosenberg


”Often, instead of offering empathy, we have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling.” Marshall Rosenberg

”When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) express nonviolently, or (c) take time out.” Marshall Rosenberg

”NVC enhances inner communication by helping us translate negative internal messages into feelings and needs. Our ability to distinguish our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.” Marshall Rosenberg”

Life-Enriching Education: an education that prepares children to learn throughout their lives, relate well to others, and themselves, be creative, flexible, and venturesome, and have empathy not only for their immediate kin but for all of humankind/” Marshall Rosenberg


--------------------
“Empathy is a respectful understanding of what others are experiencing. Instead of offering empathy, we often have a strong urge to give advice or reassurance and to explain our own position or feeling. Empathy, however, calls upon us to empty our mind and listen to others with our whole being.

In nonviolent communication, no matter what words others may use to express themselves, we simply listen for their observations, feelings, needs, and requests. Then we may wish to reflect back, paraphrasing what we have understood. We stay with empathy, allowing others the opportunity to fully express themselves before we turn our attention to solutions or requests for relief.



To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you’ve studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn’t mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what’s alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?

If you think ahead to what to say next – like how to fix it or make the person feel better – BOOM! Off the board. You’re into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that’s here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it’s like I wasn’t there. I call this “watching the magic show.” In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my “fix-it” tendencies. - from “Surfing Life Energy and Watching the Magic Show,” Marshall Rosenberg


To do this, you can bring in nothing from the past. So the more psychology you’ve studied, the harder it will be to empathize. The more you know the person, the harder it will be to empathize. Diagnoses and past experiences can instantly knock you off the board. This doesn’t mean denying the past. Past experiences can stimulate what’s alive in this moment. But are you present to what was alive then or what the person is feeling and needing in this moment?


If you think ahead to what to say next – like how to fix it or make the person feel better – BOOM! Off the board! You’re into the future. Empathy requires staying with the energy that’s here right now. Not using any technique. Just being present. When I have really connected to this energy, it’s like I wasn’t there. I call this “watching the magic show.” In this presence, a very precious energy works through us that can heal anything, and this relieves me from my “fix-it” tendencies. - Marshall B. Rosenberg,

-----------------
“The Chinese philosopher Chuang-Tzu stated that true empathy requires listening with the whole
being: ‘The hearing that is only in the ears is one thing. The hearing of the understanding is another. But the hearing of the spirit is not limited to any one faculty, to the ear, or to the mind. Hence it demands the emptiness of all the faculties. And when the faculties are empty, then the whole being listens. There is then a direct grasp of what is right there before you that can never be heard with the ear or understood with the mind.’”
Marshall B. Rosenberg, Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life

 

 

 

Self Empathy

"Translate all self-judgments into self-empathy." Marshall B. Rosenberg,

"Self-empathy in NVC means checking in with your own feelings and needs." Marshall B. Rosenberg,
 

 

We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to (a) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy, (b) scream nonviolently, or (c) take time out. Marshall B. Rosenberg, Non-Violent Communication

“We need empathy to give empathy.” Marshall Rosenberg
”Intellectual understanding blocks empathy.” Marshall Rosenberg

”We need to receive empathy to give empathy.” Marshall Rosenberg X

Translate all self-judgments into self-empathy. Marshall Rosenberg

”With empathy, I'm fully with them, and not full of them - that's sympathy.” Marshall Rosenberg


”It's harder to empathize with those who appear to possess more power, status, or resources.” Marshall Rosenberg


”To be able to hear our own feelings and needs and to empathize with them can free us from depression.” Marshall Rosenberg

”Postpone result/solution thinking until later; it's through connection that solutions materialize - empathy before education.” Marshall Rosenberg



”Time and again, people transcend the paralyzing effects of psychological pain when they have sufficient contact with someone who can hear them empathically.” Marshall Rosenberg

”If the other persons behavior is not in harmony with my own needs, the more I empathize with them and their needs, the more likely I am to get me own needs met.” Marshall Rosenberg


”The best way I can get understanding from another person is to give this person the understanding, too. If I want them to hear my needs and feelings, I first need to empathize.” Marshall Rosenberg



”Our ability to offer empathy can allow us to stay vulnerable, defuse potential violence, help us hear the word 'no' without taking it as a rejection, revive lifeless conversation, and even hear the feelings and needs expressed through silence.” Marshall Rosenberg



”Peace requires something far more difficult than revenge or merely turning the other cheek; it requires empathizing with the fears and unmet needs that provide the impetus for people to attack each other. Being aware of those feelings and needs, people lose their desires to attack back because they see the human ignorance leading to those attacks. Instead, their goal becomes providing the empathic connection and education that will enable them to transcend their violence and engage in cooperative relationships.'” Marshall Rosenberg


We need empathy to give empathy. When we sense ourselves being defensive or unable to empathize, we need to
(A) stop, breathe, give ourselves empathy,
(B) screamed nonviolently, or
(C) take time out.”
Marshall Rosenberg

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