Center for Building a Culture of Empathy

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Culture of Empathy Builder:  Ike Lasater

Conflict, Mediation and a Culture of Empathy

Ike Lasater


Ike Lasater is the co-founder of Mediate Your Life, a training company that helps people build better lives by changing how they respond to conflict. With extensive training in Nonviolent Communication, Ike teaches and coaches individuals and organizations in communication and conflict resolution skills and has trained thousands of people in the US, Europe, Asia, and Australia. He has served on the board of directors for the Center for Nonviolent Communication and the Association for Dispute Resolution of Northern California. Ike is a former trial attorney for 20 years who co-founded a thriving San Francisco law firm.


At its core, the Mediate Your Life training is about listening to - and really hearing - ourselves and others. It is about increasing our capacity for empathy so that when triggered we can overcome the body's natural "fight-flight-freeze" reaction. The process teaches how to replace conflict with true collaboration, new possibilities, and compassionate support.



 Sub Conference: NVC









The Meaning of Empathy: Ike Lasater & Edwin Rutsch 

Choosing Peace:
New Ways to Communicate to Reduce Stress, Create Connection, and Resolve Conflict

by Ike Lasater,  John Kinyon , Mary Sitze, Julie Stiles

In Choosing Peace, you will learn a new approach to communication and conflict that creates peace, internally and externally. The concrete tools and skills in this book allow you to be clear in your communication and help others do the same. Through practicing what is in this compelling guidebook, you can build more satisfying and engaging relationships and create more compassion and peace in your life. 

Read Choosing Peace to be able to: 

  • Understand how conflict can be a vehicle to connection 

  • Escape from endless replaying of stressful conversations 

  • Be kinder to yourself 

  • Gain acceptance for others 

  • Stop behaving in ways that do not get you what you want 

  • Learn a new set of skills to navigate sticky conflict situations 

  • Get a new perspective on recurring conflicts--and how to resolve them 

  • Recognize and shift out of fight-flight-freeze stress patterns 

  • Listen skillfully and non-judgmentally 

  • Deepen the quality of interaction with others 



When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams:
 Turning Your Critical Internal Voices Into Collaborative Allies

(Mediate Your Life: A Guide to Removing Barriers to)

Have you ever stopped yourself from achieving a dream, even before you started? Was it because of critical internal voices giving you one or more reasons why you couldn't make it happen? If so, you may be surprised to learn that those seemingly negative voices not only have a meaningful purpose, but that they can actually become your allies instead of your detractors.

In When Your Mind Sabotages Your Dreams, you will master a way of being in relationship with yourself that empowers you to turn self-sabotaging internal voices into supporters that contribute to creating the life you desire. The concrete, practical tools and maps in this book will help you navigate all stages of planning and realizing your dreams by:



From Conflict To Connection:
Transforming Difficult Conversations Into Peaceful Resolutions

 (Mediate Your Life: A Guide to Removing Barriers to Communication Book 2)

Everyone experiences conflict, and if you’re like most people, it is typically a source of stress in relationships. But what if you could have difficult conversations with ease and create agreements that actually work? 

With 40 years of combined experience in a Nonviolent Communication approach to mediation and conflict resolution, the authors of From Conflict to Connection offer a step-by-step guide to being in a relationship with yourself and others that generates new possibilities out of discord and disagreements. The book’s concrete, practical tools and maps for all stages of interpersonal communication, as well as many examples, will help you to:


Finding Words That Work in Business
Doing the enemy image process — giving yourself empathy for your judgments and doing silent empathy for the other person — can help you transform the intense emotional charge you might otherwise have going into the conversation, a charge that will tend to create exactly what you don’t want.


Empathy Documentary - Ike Lasater on Empathy


Comunicazione Nonviolenta (CNV): Nuove Vie di fronte al Conflitto -
Ike Lasater e Giovanna Castoldi



Ike Lasater on Empathy (1 of 3)  


 Ike Lasater on Empathy (2 of 3)



Ike Lasater - Empathy is like a Reflecting Mountain Lake (3 of 3)




What's your personal metaphor of what empathy is like?

It's about people being heard to their satisfaction. Being heard the way that they want to be heard. So their need for empathy is being met.

Then the metaphors like Marshall's surfing come in.

Following, is a metaphor my friend John Kinyon and I use in our training. Can I follow, just half a step behind.
I'm not analyzing, just following "is it this, are your needing respect?" I'm guessing. 'tell me what going on inside you?" Trying to get it the
best I can.

If empathy was a type of land, what type of land would it be? Is it a mountaintop, a valley, is it Yosemite?

Someone might have the image that is tranquil, it's peaceful. It's not necessarily that. Its whatever a persons state it. Peace and harmony
something come out of being gotten. They're done. There's a kind of flowing out that takes place.

the metaphors not working for me.

Something that come up for me is a maintain lake. If you look at a mountain lake, you can see the forest and the mountains reflected, It  a  storm you'll see that reflected. If a bird fly's over, your see that reflected.

I like that.