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Culture of Empathy Builder:  Kelly Bryson

http://j.mp/1d89B0x

The Ecstasies of Empathy
Building New Authentic Empathy Communities & Cultures:
 Kelly Bryson & Edwin Rutsch

Kelly Bryson, MA, MFT is the author of the best selling book, Don't Be Nice, Be Real – Balancing Passion for Self with Compassion for Others. He is a licensed therapist in private practice, lecturer, workshop facilitator, and consultant. He has been an authorized trainer for the International Center for Nonviolent Communication for over 20 years, and has trained thousands in the US, Europe, and the Middle East. Kelly is also a humorist, guitarist, singer, and songwriter. He in now working on building new authentic empathy communities & cultures.

Kelly writes, "When I empathize with someone, I become a strong and gentle wind, filling the sailboat of the other’s inner exploration.  As the Wind, I have no control over the steering of the boat.  That is left up to the captain of the ship, the person I am being present to.  I do not try to direct, only connect with where the other is in this very present moment.  I bring in no ideas of thoughts about the past or the future.  I bring in no thoughts of my own.  I have no preference for where we go on this journey – only that it come from the captain’s heart and choice.  The purpose of my presence is connection, never correction.  I am a steady, present trade wind, not an impatient and gusty gale."

 When I empathize with someone,
I become a strong and gentle wind,
 filling the sailboat of the other’s inner exploration. 


Sailboats Racing on Delaware - Thomas Eakins (Wikipedia)

 "Empathy brings in nothing from the past. When I am empathizing I am not remembering when I was having a similar experience. In one sense I am not even there. The only thing present is your experience, feelings and stories. I am being with the felt sense of them. Relating to another experience is about you. Empathizing is about them. Some people get so caught up in the fear of wondering whether they are empathizing correctly that very little empathy or attention is left to be with the other. It is not really about doing empathy or giving empathy - it is being empathy."
 

The Ecstasies of Empathy


Ecstasy - Lajos Gulacsy (Wikipaintings)


Mary Magdalen in Ecstasy - Caravaggio (Wikipedia)


Sub Conference: Compassionate Communication (NVC) and
Building Empathic Community

 

 

 

 
 

Links



Ecstasies of Empathy: Building New Authentic Empathy Communities & Cultures: Kelly Bryson & Edwin Rutsch

(Video Transcriptions: If you would like to take empathic action and create a transcription of this video, 
check the volunteers page.  The transcriptions will make it easier for other viewers to quickly see the content of this video.)

 

Kelly Bryson, Non Violent Communication. NVC. The Language of Love.

Are we naturally competitive?  We're naturally empathic. We are group animals and thrive on group action and  synergy with each other.

 

 

 

Nonviolent Communication - Kelly Bryson on Changing our Culture - Interview by Torsten Hardiess

 


 

 

 

Jaiya - Non- Violent Communication With Kelly Bryson

 

 

 

Authentic Communication for a New Culture with Kelly Bryson
 

 

Interview  Outline

"Karl Smerecnik interviews Kelly Bryson live on 16 September, 2013 about using
authentic communication to create a new culture based on community,
 interdependence, authenticity, transparency, play and trust.
"

 

Workshops and therapy hasn't worked so well for social change.

Needing Community

  • Zegg forum issues

  • I heal by working with the group instead of a therapist or doing it on your own

  • Illness maybe from isolation

  • wants Collective Messiahs - a We consciousness 

How do we more move from I to We?

 

Types of Communities

  • Collectivist community - what's good for the community - Ask not ..

  • communitarian community - strong individuals in group

24:30 Authenticity and empathy?

I love what empathy does. When we create the Zegg forum we create a ring of empathy. .. sit tight together and create a field of presence and empathy.

 

We used to do this with speaking circles, people learning to speak in public. Create a listening field, all these people sit very tightly together and be very present and provide high octane empathy.  What that does is helps us relax energetically and emotionally.  Then we can drop our hair down and start saying what's alive in us, because we feel the acceptance.


The empathy creates a sense of acceptance.  Then we start to find parts of ourselves,  that we wouldn't be able to find without that presence and acceptance and empathy.  It kind of sucks us out of us like a vacuum cleaner, it pulls forth an authenticity, acceptance, empathy  from our community from a...

 

We're needing self empathy and self connection. The inner connection created by empathy...

 

Compassion is a special case of empathy, it's where my heart goes out to the other person in an intense love for the other person. Whereas empathy is just presence in another sense.

 

Drama Triangle and Empathy

  • With empathy people can shift out of their victimhood

  • Not just Empathizing with a story that has no energy to it.

How am I going to find community, how am I going to build community?

  • Check book called tribes

  • I talked with people around me in santa cruz

  • People heard about it and got attracted to it.

  • Get 2 or 3 people - it creates an attractor

  • Just start with friends

    • hold a potluck and video

    • a chat about it - grow the field

  • Fred: the field of energy in a group

    • put Fred first

    • ways of creating energy - play music

  •  Multiple technologies for creating the environment

    • I'm now looking at Sacred Economics

  • How to start the basic community?


 

 

Don't Be Nice, Be Real: Chapter 10: The Ecstasy of Empathy p.135-155
  • Empathy brings in nothing from the past.

  • It is not doing empathy or giving empathy - it is being empathy.

  • Empathy is an energy, not a modality or a technique. Empathy is closely related to presence.

  • "Two pure forms of teaching presence applied to therapy and education can be found in the work of Carl Rogers and Charlotte Selver". ... listening

  • people

    • Carl Rogers

    • Marshall Rosenberg

    • Gene Gendlin - focusing

  • Apologizing is not Empathizing

    • retributive v restorative justice

  • Sharpening the "Skill Saw" of Empathy

    • "I find myself ever sharpening my skills at this mystical and profound art and science of empathy" 

    • self-empathy

  • Empathy Before Explanations

    • "Empathy is spiritually protected and cannot be misused. The intention of empathy is to connect, not to direct or correct, and explanations before empathy sound like excuses."

    • "You can have technical skills at empathy and still have low octane presence in the empathy."

  • Whys Aren't Wise

    • "Don't use "why" when trying to empathize."

    • "The difference between a healer and a fixer is that one empathizes until what is needed emerges and the other assumes what is need and goes about giving it whether it is wanted or not."

  • Connecting before Correcting

    •  

  • Human Needs being All Human Deeds

    • "A major block to developing empathy for others and to wholeness within the individual is the fear of receiving empathy."

    • Men have more difficulty with empathy than woman.

    • empathy and

      • fear of receiving empathy

      • fear of losing control or going crazy

      • fear opening to painful feelings

  • The End of Empathy

    • people that keep telling their stories even if they get empathy

    • "a point where empathy no longer serves them"

  • Empathy when you can Honesty When you Can't

    • "one time not to empathize is when the request for empathy is sensed as a demand."

  • Empathy in the Extreme

    • "As long as you are hating yourself, you can't let in empathy. Without self-empathy you can't stop seeing yourself as weak, stupid, or lazy."

  • Empathy Eases and Expands

    • "It is high and holy practice of holistic selfishness to maintain an expanded consciousness of empathic undergrounding for everyone."

Drama Triangle and Empathy

  • With empathy people can shift out of their victimhood

  • Not just Empathizing with a story that has no energy to it.

 

 


Notes:


The Learning Modules: Presentations & Training

Empathetically receiving how people are and what they are requesting 16

Empathy with ourselves 16

Empathy with others in distress 17

Empathy with people who are angry 18

Empathizing now with people you weren’t able to empathize with then 18

Empathy when people attribute responsibility toy ou for their feelings 18

Empathy with messages we have been afraid to receive 19

Empathy with “No”‘ 19

Empathy Has No Enemy

Role of empathy in each Transformational Tribal Technologies:  

  • The Zegg Forum authentic self expression 

  • Compassionate Nonviolent Communication - my needs v We needs

  • 7 Minute Connections & Transparency Games

  • Tantra / Puja Ritual w/Francoise Ginsberg PhD

  • Gender Circles & Goddess Gatherings

  • Next Culture self mastery thoughtware

  • DJ Juicy Dancing

  • Theater Games / Improv

  • Cuddle Party

  • “HeartSong Singing”

  • Biodanza Dancing

  • Yoga

  • Creativity Sharing Cabaret night

  • Check book called tribes

  • I talked with people around me in santa cruz

  • People heard about it and got attracted to it.

  • Get 2 or 3 people - it creates an attractor

  • Just start with friends

    • hold a potluck and video

    • a chat about it - grow the field

  • Fred: the field of energy in a group

    • put Fred first

    • ways of creating energy - play music

  •  Multiple technologies for creating the environment

    • I'm now looking at Sacred Economics

  • How to start the basic community?