For the last 15 years Owen Marcus has focused on men issues and
men’s groups. Six years ago he started Sandpoint Men Groups where he
teaches other men to lead deep groups. For the last couple of years he has
also blogged about men issues at
OwenMarcus.com.
Below is an interview with Macus on the topic of how men can develop more
empathy, as well as, two panel discussions on the topic.
"One of the values that I think men
in particular have to pass on is the value of empathy. Not
sympathy, empathy. And what that means is standing in somebody
else's shoes, being able to look through their eyes. You know,
sometimes we get so caught up in "us" that it's hard to see that
there are other people and that your behavior has an impact on them.
And sometimes brothers in particular don't like to feel empathy,
don't like to think in terms of "How does this affect other people?"
because we think that's being soft. There's a culture in our society
that says we can't show weakness and we can't, therefore, show
kindness. That we can't be considerate because sometimes that makes
us look weak."
Barack Obama
(Video
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A
discussion with Owen Marcus and
Ken Solin, both leaders in the men's
movement, on how to use
micro-communities to teach men empathy and other missing emotional
skills. Both Owen and Ken are long term workshop leaders and have a new
initiative for building a men's movement to foster Masculine Emotional
Intelligence. They hold Man Camp
Weekends and have a tool kit where men can start their own circles.
Some of the questions addressed in this
dialog were;
How would men sitting together shift the ‘culture of
empathy’?
What is the best way to not just educate men about
empathy, but teach the skill?
Why are men behind on the empathy curve?
In your Man Camp Weekend you speak about a man “being
his own hero” – what does that mean?
How can men learn empathy in one weekend?
"One of the values that I think men in
particular have to pass on is the value of empathy. Not
sympathy, empathy. And what that means is standing in somebody else's
shoes, being able to look through their eyes. You know, sometimes we
get so caught up in "us" that it's hard to see that there are other
people and that your behavior has an impact on them.
And sometimes brothers in particular don't like to feel empathy, don't
like to think in terms of "How does this affect other people?" because
we think that's being soft. There's a culture in our society that says
we can't show weakness and we can't, therefore, show kindness. That we
can't be considerate because sometimes that makes us look weak."
Barack Obama Sub
Conference: Home & Family
Owen
Marcus moderates this panel discussion about how men can deepen
their empathy and live more fulfilling lives. Owen, David and
Michael facilitate men's groups.
by Owen Marcus
"What empathy gives you. You may find yourself enjoying life more. The more you connect to
others, the deeper the interaction. It is as if you step beyond a screen
to actually contact the person. You go from being an observer or critic,
to a participant. What others don’t tell you is that
you first need to connect to yourself, before there is the possibility
of connecting to another.
"
The second thing we need to do as
fathers is pass along the value ofempathyto
our children. Not sympathy, butempathy–
the ability tostand
in somebody else's shoes; to look at the world through their eyes.Sometimes
it's so easy to get caught up in “us,” that we forget about our
obligations to one another. There's a culture in our society that
says remembering these obligations is somehow soft – that we can't
show weakness, and so therefore we can't show kindness.
But our young boys and girls see that.
They see when you are ignoring or mistreating your wife. They see
when you are inconsiderate at home; or when you are distant; or
when you are thinking only of yourself. And so it's no surprise
when we see that behavior in our schools or on our streets.
That's why we pass on the values ofempathyand
kindness to our children by living them. We need to show our kids
that you're not strong by putting other people down – you're
strong by lifting them up. That's our responsibility as fathers.
